The Holy Raywilliambible
One day Ray William Johnson was sitting in his kitchen, trying to come up with video ideas. After hours of thinking he finally thought of the perfect idea. He ran to the studio and recorded the video immediately. When he uploaded the video to YouTube it was so good the algorithm exploded into the whole universe.
After seeing the success of his latest video, Ray William Johnson started thinking of new bigger and better ideas for new awesome videos that he could upload. He sat in the kitchen for days trying to think of something before he finally thought of it. The perfect idea. “Every good youtuber has to have good songs” he thought, as he sprinted into the studio and started writing the song. He had just eaten some delicious meatballs, so he decided to name the song “My Balls”. After recording the full song and uploading the video to his brand new “Your Favorite Martian” channel he started getting lots of subscribers, likes, and views. The video was so massive the YouTube servers shut down for a day. This has now become the holy song of Raywilliamjohnsonism, and shall be played when you pray.
A couple of years after quitting, Ray William Johnson was mad at how the world was turning out. There were criminals robbing banks, murderers murdering people, and many other terrible people in the world. He had become fed up with all of this nonsense and created a TikTok account. He started uploading videos documenting terrible cases of such terrible actions. These videos have made lots of people realise how terrible the world is, and that we need to make a change for the better.
When one dies they get sent up to the judgement room. You will see Ray William Johnson standing in front of you, ready to make a judgement. He will then make a very important decision. He will choose if you can go to Raywilliamheaven, or if you have to spend some time in Raywilliamhell. Raywilliamheaven is a wonderland that you will forever reside in, where anything in your wildest dreams could come true. Raywilliamhell is a terrible place. When you are here you will be subjected to everything bad you have done to others. Every rude statement you have said will be said back to you, every person you have murdered will get to do that to you, and you will stay here until Ray thinks you have served a bad enough sentence. The only time you will be here permanently is if you have been a very terrible person. Someone like Hitler will never leave Raywilliamhell and will forever have to endure the same pain that he caused his victims.
1. You shall not kill
2. You shall not hit other people in the face with a dagger
3. You shall pray every saturday (optional)
4. You shall not bully
5. You shall not pass
1. Relentless bullying
2. The assassination of Ray William Johnson
3. Assault against fire extinguishers
If you have raywilliamsinned too much then this ritual is for you. To do this ritual you need someone you know. This could be a family member, a friend, or a raywilliampriest. Lay down on a bed, couch, or bench. Now your assistant shall repeat this prayer.
“In Ray William Johnson’s name I cleanse you from all of your raywilliamsins, raymen”
If you are ever in a dark area and feeling a sense of dread, do this ritual to save yourself from the Raywilliamdevil. To do this ritual you have to find a small object on the floor and put it in front of you. To start the ritual, pick up the object and hold it up in front of you. Walk 5 steps backward and then put the object down and lay down on your stomach. To fuse this object with Ray’s holy aura you have to repeat this prayer.
“I summon Ray William Johnson to protect me from the Raywilliamdevil, raymen”
Do this ritual if you feel nervous before a test. To do this ritual you need something you have used to study for the test with. This could be a paper, google document, calculator, etc. Put the material 1 meter away from you and repeat this prayer.
“Ray’s holy aura will lead me to success. This test shall not go terribly, raymen”
tba